The secret lives of black people

There is a white nationalist movement that was allegedly founded because their leader was upset that he couldn’t say the n-word around his black friends. How can that be justified?

The thing that gets me, is that certain white people look at black people using the n-word as some kind of secret society that they can never be a part of. Forget systemic racism, death threats, assaults that black people face on a regular basis. “They get to use the n-word,” and not being able to do so, despite having available advantages, is a reason to start a white nationalist movement. As if the n-word is the coolest thing that black people have that white people are generally not allowed to be a part of.

I rarely use the n-word. If I do, I’m in an immature mood. Most black people don’t use the n-word. It’s a situational word, and most of us don’t live in a world where that word is needed. That’s the reality. However, there are things black people do that few white people will ever understand, or be a part of, that are way cooler than saying the n-word.

For instance, the nod. I’ve used the nod at formal functions, in small cities, and trips abroad. The nod is a more functional part of blackness than the n-word ever could be. What’s the nod? If you’re a black person in an environment where you are a significant minority, and you come across another black person, while looking directly at them you give a quick nod of your head. This is reciprocated back. It’s a way of us acknowledging one another. It’s a way for us to tell each other that, “You are not alone here.” There’s no need to talk, or have a conversation. Sometimes, something that small and simple makes being in certain spaces bearable.

Similarly, how black people ask for directions is tied to a need to be acknowledged as part of a bigger community. Generally, black tourists will first ask black people for directions when lost. It’s not a bias against any groups. More so, the interaction is similar to the head nod.

Of course, street gangs have hand signs. Apparently, so do white nationalists. However, white nationalists fail to understand the culture behind them. It’s telling that the sign many white nationalists use in North America as an identifier is the same as the word asshole in American Sign Language.

Generally, black culture is tied together by a series of behaviors and interactions that lead to acknowledgement and then trust before being accepted into the wider community. The color of one’s skin does not guarantee entry into certain spaces, but it does open the door more easily.

However, there are tons of white people accepted in black Twitter, black arts communities, music, culture, even black street gangs. For white people to fit in black spaces, their recognition has to be earned through the relationships they build. Which isn’t dramatically different than the hurdles black people face to be accepted in many black spaces.

When I enter certain black environments, I have to earn my time there. First, I have to be an authentic person. Second, I need to prove that I’m trustworthy. Third, I have to treat the people in there with respect. I don’t just assume that since I’m black a certain treatment is owed to me. My social standing doesn’t matter. Even if everyone knew I was an author, no one would care if I treated people like garbage. If a certain decorum is what is expected of me, why should it be different to anyone else? How does skin color allow one to think a community of people owe them a level of linguistic submission?

And let’s be honest, people who co-opt other peoples’ cultures, who happily take glee in racist rhetoric, and systemic structures that give them an advantage simply for being born with a certain skin hue don’t want an intimate understanding of their black friends. They wouldn’t want to build the trust and recognition of a community that would allow them to say the n-word in larger gatherings. They wouldn’t make sure that the only black person at a gathering, or function, is okay via a small acknowledgement. They’re not going to call out their racist boss at work. A functional part of black culture is the work, the actions one takes to be a part of it.

People who want to use the n-word, but are prohibited to do so, are not doing work that would make them question how comfortable they are, while there’s a community of people who feel constantly under threat despite, intelligence, education, or economic standing. Who feel this way simply because the color of their skin makes them a target.

Most of us, no matter our races, are decent people who have no interest in using the n-word anyway. Such privileges are not forbidden fruit for most of humanity. But, like I said earlier, that’s not even the coolest part of black culture. For me, black culture is more than music, fashion, art, or language. It’s really about the small ways we interact with each other in various spaces.

Maybe these, nods, handshakes, and rituals are tied to our history as formerly enslaved peoples. Maybe our ancestors learned to talk through body language and signals to keep things discreet. Perhaps, how black people interact, and the subtlety of it, is how our ancestors figured out who they could trust. Or, how they encouraged one another while crossing paths. They all couldn’t have been singing negro spirituals to each other.

The other day I was walking home and a little white girl gave me the nod. I could tell it was the nod. It was legit and authentic. Something in me told me to nod back. I can’t clearly explain why. Maybe it was the way that she carried herself that made me respond with a nod that said, “Yeah, you’re not alone here.”

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